I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
