Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
