If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
