come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
