Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
