Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
