Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
