thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
