Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you had me at cake vodka
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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