My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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