Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize