You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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