Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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