He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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