Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
