Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
