Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
