you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
