remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
