So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
