Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
