Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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