I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Panties = found
Randomize
