U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
