It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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