I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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