I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
