Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
