dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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