u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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