i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
