i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
