I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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