I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
