I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
