I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
