Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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