The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
