Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
