I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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