so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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