Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
