This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
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I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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