U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
