I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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