his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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