those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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