But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
