He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
