Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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