So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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