I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
