can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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