we made out on top of his cat.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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