I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
