I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
