I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
