I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
