I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
