Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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