I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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