you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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