I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
