Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
