Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
