Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
