is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
