if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
