I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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