I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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