Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
