The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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