Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
