Barsexuality is the new black.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
