dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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