dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
