I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
