I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
