omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
