Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
