not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
