then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
