Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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