I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
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It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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