I'm jealous of your bromance
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
