my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
