After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
