I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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