No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
