U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
