I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize