he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
